Dreams of a Red World - Embers

 

Matthew stoked the fire, then coughed the smoke up. It reminded him of his screaming rebirth. He had walked halfway to New Chonqing apparently, before whatever brought him back did so. A dreamy haze of memories . He remembered being held down by three soldiers as they he tried to practically tear his own nipples off. Scratching at these mounds that didn’t belong on his chest. Tearing at the hair flowing down his thin, soft and hairless face. They dragged him through the embers back towards their camp.

 

He hated it. Why him? Before he had been a critical thinker, a journalist, no. He hated killing and violence, but now he was just a disgusting tool for the new Chinese empire, in body at least. A breeder, as the more militant ones referred to them. Some theorised there were variants of the nanovirus, like wife, infiltrator, but all were dedicated body and soul to the national plan.

 

The other resistance members often refused to talk to him. He needed to wear a bracelet at all times and even then, shots had often just whizzed past his head by merely an inch. Guns were pointed at him, and the whispers were constant. He stayed in the part of the camp with the other transformees, but tensions were high. ‘I’m fine.”, “I look less Chinese than you.”, “Why are you looking so shifty today?”.  “I haven’t done anything to anybody, let me join the other Americans!”

 

He looked aside. Kyle, as he called himself now, was already serving as a housewife for a PLA soldier when his personality broke through.

“I was cutting vegetables at the time, humming and tilting my head. Then I..my real self broke through.

“I fucking gutted him.” He made a slashing motion and jabbing motion.  

“If anyone comes , another chink… I’ll gut them too.” He grunted.

“But damned if I don’t need it so bad.” She sobbed. “I need a Chinese man to love and give it to me.” His accent sounded like he was a Floridian, but the Mandarin tones were creeping in. Then he pointed  at his hair. “I cut my hair myself. No way I’m gonna look like some bitch.”

Kyle was beautiful, all of the converts were beautiful, sexy even. His didn’t feel anything though, his interest in the female form had completely declined. Anyways, that beauty…  that’s what caused them a lot of problems.

 

One night, a soldier tried to rape him. Just the way he looked was all that mattered. “You chinks represent all the evils of the world.” The guy was certifiable.

“I’ll cure you bitch. I’ll rape the chink out of you.”

There was no worse feeling than a man grabbing your vulnerable parts against your will. Bruising your breasts as he crushed them. In this tiny, skinny body, one could never hope to fight back.

“Slant eyed cunt, time for a dicking.”

He screamed and kicked. His puny fists bouncing off him. He reached for a gun nearby but the prick punched him in the stomach. He had him pinned against the dirt by the time some other soldiers ran in but they seemed to hesitate. Luckily a Chinese-American soldier ran up and pulled the guy off. My hero, hahaha. Such blissful irony. Matthew lay there for an hour gently trying to caress his bruised vagina.

 

Despite that, despite the sexual violence. An overwhelming share of his thoughts were of men now… Chinese men. The little voice in his head told him that the most offensive thing about that rape, was that a white man tried to do it. He hated that was the only way he could get gratification now, thinking of the enemy, the enemy that had ruined their country. He was so fucking horny all the time.

 

He and many of the other girls would audibly rub themselves on anything they could. At first he would rub his pussy on anything with an edge, he was that desperate, but then managed to get a hold of a dildo. The thing was showing age but fuck it. The first orgasm he was brought to was with that crusty dildo. They called it little Wang. Somebody actually thought that joke was funny. But it’s not like racism was hidden anymore. One could hardly complain.

 

 

He tossed and turned, the sweat sticking him to his sleeping bag. Was that her creeping in? Her insinuations. Was his mind becoming predatory? Teaching him how could he use everyone around him. That Asian American soldier? Perhaps with the right incentive he would betray, and they would go far way together. There was many of those in camp. Human rights law demanded that they be allowed to fight, and of course, that wasn’t how things worked in reality. The Chinese-Americans felt ostracized, he should go and comfort some of them.

 

That night he snuck into the Asian-American part of the camp. He crawled over to him, and ran his hand along his perfect abs, then touched his face. He recognised him. He had been kind to him, smiled at her. He seemed interested. He should reward him.

 “Tell me your name.” She asked.

“Ryan Yang.” He said as he grabbed her wrist.

The moment she heard the surname, she instantly kissed him and began nuzzling him. He pulled off her shirt and pushed her onto the floor. He pressed down on her tits and stroked her soft skin. This was it, was he going to penetrate her? Would it hurt?

He did the best to pretend he was a real Chinese man. As they fucked he could hear the sounds of others doing the same nearby. She was no different from them now. The forgotten trying to avoid oblivion. Simultaneously giving up and giving themselves away.

He rested his head on his chest. He sighed, maybe he could be his boyfriend?

 

He often caught sight of himself in the mirror and looked away. He would never look like himself again, not in this lifetime. Not until they re-engineered whatever technology the Chins had used to do this. He would always have these… thin eyes. This dark hair and oriental skin. The wet open passage between his legs. He was blonde before, a white man. Perhaps a little average, but at least his face was his. This face was perfect, almost eerily so. A perfect Chinese womans’.

 

He sat with Kyle sipping some kind of Chinese stew he had made.

“I’m telling you, glad I kept these memories on how to cook this shit. Actually, I’d defect back to the chicom for the food alone.”

“Shut up. Don’t even joke about that.” He said.

Kyle shrugged. “Don’t you wonder what our leaders are thinking? Are they even working on a vaccine? They said that a year ago.”  A couple of people nearby stopped eating and listened. One girl immediately exited the scene.

“It’s a lot of damage to the human body. It’s irreversible.”

“That’s just a load of hooey”

“Are we still Americans or what? Yet they treat us like this.”

“You’re an idiot. It’s just logical, we could be spies.” One of the others chimed in.

“Sure sure, wake up sister. They think we’re freaks and we don’t look like them. Then after the war? Even if American wins, they will treat us like shit for the rest of our lives. Or forgotten until we just fade awa-”

“Sh-shut the fuck up!” One of the girls threw their cookies at him and stormed off.

 

There she was now, reminding him of his true name. Screaming it in his ear as if she was standing at his side. “Nuying“. Come back to us… your place is with the new Empire!

Stay out of me… he screamed back, I’m sentient, not one of your tools. I won’t be one of you.  They seemed to be winning though… if he give up, think of the rewards… no for fuck’s sake that’s what they want you to think. Keep it together, tomorrow big big push towards Western front. If I run, then safe. Wha… fuck, his thoughts. No, keep it together, think properly damnit,  you need to think with English. The moment Chinese comes out of your mouth they’ll put a bullet in you. I no care, die for China, die for glorious China! No, I believe in America. In the promise of freedom!

 

The push the next day was a disaster. So many brave Chinese men lost but victory was ours. Agh.. agh no, it was we who lost, not the Chinese, yes the…Chinese won. He took a deep breath. Thankfully he wasn’t in on the west flank. Those drone swarm shields are too much. How can anyone charge into something like that?

 

 

“Hey bitch.”

Ryan grabbed her by the hair and gave her a nasty grin.

“Remind me again what you are.”

He looked to the side. “I’m not in the mood today.”

“I won’t fuck you ever again unless you tell me right now.” He opened his mouth to insult him but then let out a sigh. He needed the relief, he couldn’t take the over-stimulation.

“I am… a Chinese woman.” He said.

“Yeah that’s fucking it. Good girl. I bet you were some kind of jock who got treated like a god in high school. I bet you never even thought twice about all that precious whiteness huh? Fucking our Asian girls while we actual Asian guys were left on the side-lines. Treating us like betas. Making jokes about our dicks.” Ryan spat, then he tightened his grip. “Well my dick is big enough for you now isn’t my little squealing whore?  He put his hand under her shirt and rubbed one of her nipples. Then he pinched hard. She nearly squealed with delight. Against all reason, her pussy started to drip. He was her type, it didn’t matter we he did with her.

“Maybe I should fill you up with my baby. Would you like that? A nice little Asian baby? It’ll look just like me…and you. Don’t hurt my feelings now.”

His lips trembled. His masculine pride wanted him to beat this guy within in an inch of his life… but the preposition tantalized.

“You can’t even say no can you? Don’t you wanna insult me? You’re so desperate for my cock. I can just imagine you waddling around the camp like a couple of those other messed up bitches who couldn’t keep their legs closed.”

The thought of bringing a child to term in this foreign body terrified him. Even though he had been harbouring some motherly urges.

“I better see you in my tent tonight.”

He pushed her away and walked off laughing. Nuying clenched her fists. How dare that traitorous imposter touch her. His ancestors betrayed China. But he was right… she was a breeder. She could kill him, but she would go crazy without his dick. He rubbed his temples and looked over at one of the other girls for comfort, but she just looked away in disgust. It’s not like that… she winced and sought out something to soothe her stinging nipples.

 

He thought he could put some of his journalism practice to use a write a blog or something that might inspire people. That it wasn’t an identity death sentence if you got nano-botted out of existence. He would live on through his blog. When they win this wa-AMERICA WILL NEVER WIN-war.

 

He looked around as if he had just said that aloud, rather than it thundering out in his head. He needed to distract himself. But would any activity he did be corrupted? Would Nuying claim it for her own? Cook and Nuying would bring up a thousand dishes with rice. Sing, and Nuying would hum a pop song or patriotic hymn. Sex… sex was something they could both enjoy.

 

She spent that night deep throating Ryan’s fat penis. One of the other Chinese-American soldiers tried to slip into the tent but Ryan scared him off. Matthew looked on in awe. His arms are so strong and hard. I think I might be in love. He licked his balls raw and touched him wherever he asked. When he was a man, he felt like he would never let anyone tell him what to do. Now he loved it.

“Fuck you got nice tits. Better than any Chinese chick I’ve been with before.”

“Call me that again.” She moaned.

“Huh what?”

“Chinese.”

“See, what did I tell you before. Don’t worry your secret is safe with me slut. If it makes you drenched like this again sure. Can’t believe you ever used to be a man.” He kissed her plump lips and turned over her. Then started fucking her doggy style. She pushed her ass into the powerful thrusts while drooling from the tight pleasure running from her nipples to her ass. Her salvaged beret fell off her head as her wild hair shook.

 The final fuck of the night ended up with him stifling a meek “Tài hǎo”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ryan was a bastard. He had hoped he would be a proper boyfriend. That could even be a father. But what did he expect in a warzone? He would still keep seeing him. What is being a woman without being contradictory?

 

“Tonight, I’m going to escape. Are you in?” Kyle said.

“Are you nuts? I have no faith in the chicom. They’ll kill us.”

“I’m just thinking… maybe the chicom will see us as useful. Willing collaborators?” Kyle gently touched his shoulder.

“I’m not stepping foot outside this camp.” He glared at Kyle in the eyes. “Collaborators. Are you so immoral?”

“Why are you being so fucking stubborn? I’ve convinced mostly everybody. You’re going to be alone here.” Matthew looked to an eavesdropper and she shook her head slowly.

“Don’t swear at me. What’s wrong with you today man?”

“You’re a damn fool. The Chinese victory is inevitable.”

“Nothing is inevitable.” Matthew narrowed his eyes

“There are a billion of them. You might as well join the winning side.”

“Come on man, that sounds like the leaflets they dropped at the beginning of the war.”

“Brainwashed idiot. American deserves this.” He seemed to tense up, the corner of his mouth twitching as if fighting something. “America bit and bit, and then got struck by their real master!”

“I’m brainwashed? Listen to yourself. Oh.. shit you’re… you’re gone aren’t you?”

“Hey come on dude, you know me right?” The entire centre group was giving him concerned glances now. He suddenly rubbed his temples. “Inevitable.” Matthew backed off a step. “You know me right? It’s inevitable. You… you know me right?”

Kyle spun around on the spot more frantically. “Just hear me out… I…” He stopped dead and then rolled his eyes. He smirked as the charade dropped. Some armed guys had emerged from a tent.

“The century of humiliation will be avenged. I Xiuying, xiuying! Fuck your mother, you fucking-“

A series of bullets punctured her back and dropped her to the floor. A few drops of blood smacked against his face. He looked away and muttered to himself.

 

When they searched his tent later they found a notebook with gradually nastier and more insane scrawlings. It was a normal diary, then the content changed to endless recipes for Chinese food. Until nothing remained but sentences praising China. How he would kill the traitors, decimate the camp and make sure the rest of the women were “freed”. Heh… heh. Interesting choice. I like that word. Free. 自由.

 

No… It. Was. Never. Over. He was now in a battle with this diabolic Chinawoman. The irrational urge to drop his gun, or worse, turn it on his comrades and kill as many as he could was growing. She was strongest in the moments before he went to sleep. Those quick hypnotic jerks, where he knew he wasn’t jolting back from sleep, but from alternative consciousness.

There she was now, barking at him in the sharp tones of Mandarin. Pulling on the bars inside his mind. He felt the fire of her patriotism. Patriotism that would never die.

 

He thought about the America.. and the American… that had fallen. Cinema on the weekend. Shopping at the malls. China had all those things too of course. The days of communism were long gone. But maybe they could introduce something into their culture that was lost? A revitalization. Not a colonisation but a reformation! A returnal. He looked at the man on the sentry next to him. He could pull up his gun, jump over the fence... and go help. If only it was that simple.

 

Nuying stared into the bedpan and laughed. Huh, huh, who are you huh? Maybe you’re not free after all. Your mind is just a big white egg waiting to crack so a Chinese woman can hatch. Maybe you are a fake Matthew? A fake personality who thinks it was first, thinks it was real. Kyle… he was fine wasn’t he? Nanobots don’t just stop working or become cured do they? Damnit, damnit damnit... tears began to splash into the bedpan. I don’t want to become someone else. Maybe one day it would happen and he would just never notice.

 

He found himself standing over a battlefield strewn with barbed war and barricades. He hid behind some drone wreckage. He heard singing across the field. Sweet and balanced in tones, soothing to his ears. He stood up, despite all reason, and walked towards it. He followed the embers and found himself at a party. Men in Chinese service uniforms toasted with each other, and red lanterns blew all around. Two women grabbed him in pulled him in. He looked down and saw he was now in a white dress.

“You’re so beautiful.” They said.

“Any Chinese man would be lucky to have you. You just need to choose one.”

Matthew joined a group of the men and laughed at their jokes, danced with them. He felt the aura of their cheerful moods. It was a mood of victory. They had finally won.

“You belong here! That’s solidarity!”

This was such a happy occasion. The Chinese had already established society here. They established civilization wherever they want. If he joined them, he could be happy again too.

He smiled and giggled and he slept through the night.

 

Another useless push. Operation Snakebite was a bust. Who were these fools leading the resistance? That night some of the Asians in camp were killed. They were blamed for the loss. So much hatred, he knew that’s why they sent them first. Let them die, let the Chinese die first. Evil americans. Perhaps America really did need to fall. He looked over at a wounded nearby soldier. A smirk appeared on his face. Worthless, we have many soldier. Time he die for good cause. Matthew clutched his head.. uhh.. .uh… no I’m not, that poor man. We can’t just throw soldiers away like the chicom. His life was worthy of respect. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for your family. 对不起，你不能死两次. He slapped his mouth and he gestured apologetically towards the corpse as he backed away.

 

He walked out into the full moon night. There seemed to be less converts hanging around camp these days. There were whispers that San Diego had re-established American rule, but they said that about Seattle too. It was a trap of course. Maybe they had fallen for another trap? The tents seemed empty… had everyone just run away? He hadn’t seen Josh lately? Had Kyle gotten to him? He folded his arms and sighed.

 

“You! Fucking chink bitch.” She felt the heat blast of words crash into her. It was Ryan. No.. please no. Within moments his footsteps were behind her. He yanked her around and starting shouting and spewing spittle. “We keep losing cause of you. Time to punish you.”

He dragged her into a nearby tent, all the while she screamed for help, but everyone was just chatting like normal. “Please Ryan no!” She pressed her hand into his face but he whacked it away. He ripped off her combat pants  and pinned her against a steel wardrobe as he thrust his dick in the tip. She pouted and sniffled, then parted her lips slightly. Ryan scoffed “You little whore. You probably want this, but I’m not going to give it to you.” She lowered her head. Then he dropped her to the floor. “You aren’t going to fight anymore. You’ll stay in camp. I don’t want to fight alongside you freaks.” He dropped her to the floor. He punched her in the face. Then kneaded her tits roughly, he covered her mouth as he went harder and harder. “Stop it! It hurts. It hurts!” He shook in fear. Wet warmth ran down his pants as he lost control of his vagina. Ryan scoffed.

“You belong to me. You understand?” He slammed her head into the wardrobe and left.

Matthew cried, while Nuying stared from their eyes. Her mind at the front. Matthew wanted out, and Nuying was happy to take over.

 

She lay in the bedroom waiting. The door bust upon and a square-jawed Chinese man without an once of fat came in. He was a bull necked with muscles that stretched his shirt to near breaking point. He turned Nuying over and nibbled on her ears. She went limp and helpless as he massaged her ample tits through the silk. She wanted to appear sexy to all Chinese men.

“Make me pregnant.” She said softly and sweetly. “Give me a baby.” The featureless lover used her bit of his muscle to force his cock as far into her as possible. He unloaded his balls and she squeezed so every bit of cum would be sucked up.

 

She woke. Is she still Matthew? Or today is she not? She lived so long between memories and hopping underside and between his thoughts. Just in the crack. Now she hoppy free bunny. Ready for spring this camp.

 

Nuying grumbled as she saw her ruined split hairs and ugly combat uniform. She should be in a dress, swooning over some officer at a party. Or perhaps on a ferry on the Yangtze, sipping champagne. She pulled off the top and looked at her bare belly. She imagined it swelling with a Chinese child. A proud father standing over the shoulder rubbing her. She needed to fufill her duty.

 

I tomorrow go. Join other side. One excellent proposition. Sleep  good that night. There she is now, her other half. Sweet sweet tone of Mandarin, so beautiful….

 

Maybe she should kill that bastard Ryan first? Sadly she wasn’t much of a fighter. She was just a woman. But it shouldn’t be long before a Chinese bullet gets him.

 

He woke standing up staring at the open field. He looked around frantically. The camp fence was just behind him. He grabbed the bars of the fence and let them metal bite the skin. No.. NO I won’t GO! You… we… ugahhhh. He rested his head forward. He felt desire subside in and out like the tide. Nuying wanted to go. That meant he wanted to go to. He wanted to have a baby, to be a mother and a lover. He wanted to be cared for. He would no longer be cold or wet. He was Nuying. He must fufill his duty.

 

He couldn’t stay here. He couldn’t. His escape was inevitable.

 

She dropped her gun and ran as fast her beautiful legs could carry her. She had made it this far. Just a little more. Upon reaching the enemy lines she screamed “I honour China.”. She was welcomed with open arms by a masked man with a rifle, tall and broad shouldered.  She swayed her hips as she walked in, giving him a flirtatious cocky look as she thought about spending a night with a real Chinese man.

“Take her to the midwives and check her for impurities. If she is pregnant, then kill it.”

She was elated. She had finally followed the trail of embers to new China.